Written by Sam Clark
Certificate: U
Running time: 92 minutes
Director: Chris Miller
By now, we all know that original concepts and ideas have been going to hell and a handcart in the film business for a long time now. Disney are the biggest to blame for this, greedily remaking their most cherished classics shot for shot in live-action format, eradicating any and all sense of magic in the process; all for a quick buck. Much to my despair and heartbreak, DreamWorks have now started doing this by remaking ''How to Train Your Dragon'' in the same fashion and sense Disney would have; the exact same thing, but without that heart and soul of before.
''Smurfs'' is yet another pointless re-hash, but not in the sense you might think. We had two live-action adaptations in 2011 and 2013, both perfectly serviceable for what they were and saved by Hank Azaria flexing his comic muscles as ''Gargamel'' (he was to that film what Jim Carrey is to the ''Sonic'' films). The first proved to be box-office smash hit, grossing $563 million dollars and the second with a lower but still respectable $347 million dollars. 2017's ''Smurfs: The Lost Village'' was aimed at a much younger audience and required half as much brain power and made enough money for what it cost. I don't really know how or what to describe this version as, except for the fact it is virtually the same film all over again. Whereas in the past a live-action film would have been the exact same as the animation, it is now time for an animation to be the direct replica instead.
Image credit: IMDb / Paramount Animation / Nickelodeon Movies
''Rihanna is Smurfette''. That is the central plot and only idea and concept here - and they might as well have titled the film as such. Judging by how much all of the marketing displays this and how in your face it is, it is so evident and obvious that this is the one and only thing the film is built upon. Congratulations, you've managed to get her to do it, but you have no idea what to do with her or the film; and it's painfully obvious. Despite the fact many people will see that and of course buy a ticket (which is always how these things work), slapping that sentence on every poster and in every trailer does not mean you have a film. She is also co-producer on the film, so make of that what you will.
This is one of the rare moments in which I feel that a film's plot is virtually useless and irrelevant, made worse by the fact that the film doesn't seem to care either. It's just business as usual here and an exact copy of what has come before. Directed by Chris Miller who has voiced characters in DreamWorks biggest hitters such as ''Shrek'' and ''Madagascar'' (he was ''Kowalski'') but directed ''Puss in Boots'' and ''Shrek the Third'' and written by Pam Brady who has produced and written ''South Park'' projects and written ''Team America: World Police'' - I'm not joking.
Image credit: IMDb / Paramount Animation / Nickelodeon Movies
''Papa Smurf'' (John Goodman) is kidnapped by villainous brothers ''Razamel'' and ''Gargamel'' (both voiced by JP Karliak). ''Smurfette'' (Rihanna) leads a small team of ''Smurfs'' on a mission to save him. As was the case in 2010 and 2013, they once again find themselves transported to the human world to track him down, Paris being one of the destinations (see what I mean? copy and paste). Voice cast also includes Nick Offerman, James Corden, Kurt Russell and others.
I have seen plenty of empty, family animations in the past, all of which felt more rewarding than whatever this was. I went in expecting nothing, but it did prove to be even weaker than what even my lowest expectations had feared. Whenever I see a film that play this young, I always make sure to remember to pull my punches regarding any issues I may have, as you sometimes have to recognise a film for what is it. In the past I have seen very young films with a large family crowd which works better for me.
The reason for this is simple: since I know the film is not for me, it would be beneficial to pay attention to how children are reacting and behaving towards the film as that determines whether or not it is working. Since there were no children present in my screening (it was a preview on a Tuesday afternoon at 4:30pm so that was never going to happen), I had no way of seeing if the film would work for a it's demographic. Just for reference as well, there were six other people, all adults (one of whom walked in half way through the film), so the circumstances were not ideal.
Image credit: IMDb / Paramount Animation / Nickelodeon Movies
There was nothing but complete tumble weed all throughout whenever the film attempted humour, and you could drive a bus through the awkward silence. So for any parent being dragged along to see this, there is absolutely nothing in it for them, whereas all great animation does. To say the film is devoid of any heart or emotion would be kind, it is just so painfully bland. Rihanna has a huge presence in the film, but I wish I was saying that with great accolade. Nope. I again come back to her role as co-producer and how ''Smurfs'' is suspiciously and simply just the greatest hits of her material.
I've never criticized voice acting before, but there is just something about her tone in this that sounds so phoned in and unconvincing that it had to be mentioned. Her music is more convincing than her actual performance, for which the film has plenty of. This is just a great big, 92 minute piece of brand recognition for her and you'd struggle to convince me otherwise. This is now the second time in the space of just over a month in which my eyes have started to feel heavy and the yawning has kicked in for a film (I have never done the latter this much in a cinema before). I'm not at all angry with film nor did I hate it, but I just stared blankly at how empty it proved to be. ''Smurfs'' is the very definition of ''if it ain't broke, don't fix it''; something that all of Hollywood could learn from.
In cinemas Friday 18th of July
